The Four Horsemen of Our Apocalypse

Conquest, War, Famine and Death or just rubbish footballers?Everyone likes to rag on Gouffran, Obertan, Marveaux and Williamson, and I think these are the four players everyone loves to hate, but the transfer window is closed now so what do we have?

Goofy: when he first arrived he seemed decent but has suffered the curse of the utility player. He has had such a dramatic loss of form that a lot of fans have turned against him. He has been played all over the shop and now he has no positional sense. I feel sorry for him.

Squidward: The player with no end product, and who wouldn't have a girlfriend if he wasn't a highly paid footballer! We were probably the last ones to be duped by Ferguson (except maybe Man U when they hired Moyes), but three of our Managers have seen something in him, the latest being McClaren. It is like Friday the 13th, he cannot be killed and there is always a sequel. He will continue to frustrate and probably will find a team looking to his potential when he is 30!

Marv-the-Groin: People forget that we hijacked his transfer to Liverpool and he was very well thought of in France. He has since had an operation that put him out for 18 months and I am not even sure if he has ever been fully fit although he showed glimpses of being a decent player. Now he has another groin injury. I am told that his Missus has been on the internet looking for a bit of strange.

Willo: what can you say? He is scared of the ball and likes a hoof. But he has been played under all of our last four managers. He is behind our current incumbents, but he may be only one injury away from a recall. Dummett and Lascelles are untested and Steven Taylor may fall off the mantlepiece again and break. Don't be so sure we haven't seen the last of him.

Three of these four have contracts expiring next year, with Gouffran being the exception. We supposedly had offers and they will be worth nowt in January. So what exactly is our transfer policy with our deadwood? Probably, their wages are too high and the usual hardball tactics meaning we don't get the deal done, right? My opinion is get them out so that the Manager does not have the option to ever play them again.

However, if past is prologue we will be seeing some of them in the first team again by Halloween. There is always room for temporary redemption at NUFC. Be afraid, be very afraid.